In honor of Mother’s Day (whether you think it’s a Hallmark Holiday or not, it’s been around for 100 years now so it’s here to stay), I’ve decided to compile a list of the various types of “sports moms”. Some are good, and well meaning, and others are… not so much. All of them, however, are female fans of the game, and they deserve a spot on this page.
The Soccer Mom
V. Becks there isn’t what you would typically envision when you picture a soccer mom, but these days, it’s getting closer to reality. Obviously, SM’s have developed a cult following in the erotica community because if you run a Google search for them you will find a plethora of pornographic material.
More traditionally, however, soccer moms are the doting wives, loving mothers, and mini-van with “mom’s taxi” bumper sticker driving, women who bring the orange slices to Sunday youth soccer games. And, hey, that’s ok! Without soccer moms there might be no “Mom jeans” or 90’s Clinton administration. If you know a soccer mom make sure you thank them for all they do. And also, maybe introduce her to the brave new world of boot cut!
The Celebrity Sports Mom (Living the Dream)
These are the moms whose kids are already the sports stars and, in some cases, their own celebrity begins to equal or surpass that of their own offspring. In recent years it’s been the football moms who have gotten all of the screen time. Who can forget Wilma McNabb peddling Chunky Soup, or Brenda Roethlisberger hocking… Chunky Soup?
Well, if there is one thing these women teach us it’s that MOMS LOVE CHUNKY SOUP. I wonder if baseball moms love it just as much? I think maybe it’s too warm- I bet they probably really like Italian Ice or gazpacho. Now THAT’S what I’d like to see… Sheila Papelbon: Spokeswoman for Rita’s.
The “No, That’s Not My Mom” Sports Mom.
aka Drama Mama
These moms L-O-V-E confrontation- almost as much as they love you. And nobody, and I mean nobody, can tell them that you’re not the best damned Insert Sport Here player! They are usually found causing some sort of ruckus in the stands, arguing with the volunteer coaches of t-ball leagues, or being escorted off of the property of a junior high school. If this woman is your mom, you’re most likely to be seen hiding in the port-a-toilets beyond right field and asking your best friend for a ride home in her mom’s mini-van.
The “Hot Mamas” of Sports.
Ok, ok, so they’re not all technically mothers, but we have to give some credit where it is due. Ladies like Danica Patrick and Maria Sharapova are not only kick ass females who excell at their games, they’re also regulars on the Spanktravision of many, many men. And, maybe one day, if they decide to reproduce, they’ll become the next generation of uber-hot soccer moms. The cycle continues.