Tag Archives: baseball

Josh Hamilton: If ESPN had Lifetime Movies.

Lifetime, Television for Women, hasn’t had a movie involving a baseball playing maverick who falls hard and fights back after drug addiction, at least that is what my hours of “research” have told me (and by research I mean, I don’t watch Sunday afternoon movie marathons, really, I don’t, I swear, Ok ok… but I do watch The Golden Girls). However, if ESPN made movies for Lifetime, the story of Ranger’s cutie, Josh Hamilton, would make a fantastic first screenplay.

Josh went straight from high school to being drafted in 1999 by the Devil Rays where he played around their minor league system. Josh was considered a very promising young player, alas, a car accident would mark the beginning of a tailspin in 2001. Hamilton’s was still a name in the minors for the Devil Rays, but before the 2004 season, when he was set to start to play in the majors, he was suspended after violating the MLB’s drug policy. In fact, Josh failed several tests and got numerous violations, and even after vowing to get clean, get rehabbed, and play again, the league wouldn’t have him back. Cue the dramatic Lifetime movie music. Will our hero find a way to get back on top?

Hamilton was reinstated in 2006 and after some shifting around during the draft, landed in the Cincinaati Reds roster. He proved himself at their spring training coming into the regular season with a camp hitting average of .403. On his first game back in the majors in several years Josh received a 22 second long standing ovation. This would be the moment in the movie where you start to tear up. You might even have to put down your Ben and Jerry’s and spoon to grab a Kleenex.

Josh Hamilton now plays for the Rangers, and, along with his wife, regularly speaks out on the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, which, by the way, is exactly what the scrolling text would say at the end of the movie, while we watch a freeze frame of him hitting a homer out of the park as a one-off version of “I Believe I Can Fly” plays in the background. That’s when you get up to pee, check yourself in the mirror, and vow to run five miles tomorrow because you’ve wasted your entire day watching Lifetime movies and eating ice cream.

Josh Hamilton #32 of the Texas Rangers tosses his helmet after stiking out during the game against the Kansas City Royals at Kauffman Stadium June 10, 2008 in Kansas City, Missouri.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)







1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Battle of the Bad MLB Haircuts: Cut that Shit.

Tonight, just as my boyfriend I were sitting down to dinner, he flipped on the Phillies game which was just beginning. I enjoy watching baseball on TV. It’s a nice experience at the ballpark, but on TV, for the most part, you get a lot of interesting info via the commentators that you can’t get sitting in the stands. This evening the Phillies were playing the Reds at home.

After a quick three outs by the Phillies pitcher, Reds pitcher, Bronson Arroyo took the mound. I was totally unprepared for what I saw.

Apparently, Bronson never got the memo that attempting to look like Scott Stapp (former Creed front man, former and current douche bag) is NOT cool. Having hair that long in baseball is simply unnecessary. Two pitches in his dirty blond mane was just plain dirty looking. It was sticking out from under his hat in a way that vaguely reminded me of a NASCAR fan. (Disclaimer: I hate NASCAR, deal with it.) Why in God’s name would you keep your hair so long if you are a baseball player… a pitcher, no less? It’s not practical and it doesn’t look good. Three words Bronson: Cut that shit.

I did find out, after doing a google search on this guy, that apparently Bronson likes to believe he has a music career. Stick to your day job B, I’m quite sure it pays you well enough to afford a decent haircut.

All of my disgust for Arroyo’s hair, reminded me that there is one person on the Phillies who has a hideous ‘do as well. Chase Utley.

Please, please no hate mail. The guy has 21 home runs and counting and is leading the league in All Star votes- not to mention his undeniably chiseled jaw line. Let’s just say, I’m a fan. HOWEVER, his hair is extremely problematic. Right now, it’s so bad, I’d prefer him to leave his batting helmet on. Actually, come to think of it, that would be pretty hot either way…

I digress. With this look, Chase is either trying to be The Fonz, or a baritone in an Olde Tyme barber shop quartet. Chase has a great wife and I just don’t understand how she can let him leave the house like that. I also can’t decide whether or not he uses product to achieve that kind of sheet. These are things I guess the world just isn’t supposed to understand.


So, tonight in Philadelphia, it is the battle of the bad haircuts. Currently, my Phillies are hanging in there by one run. Frankly, I don’t think that a team who has a starting pitcher who once wore corn rows stands a chance… but hopefully, the Phils will at least win by a hair.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Jon Lester is the Chuck Norris of Baseball.

Jon Lester is 24 years old and has already achieved more than most people do in an entire lifetime. He has pitched in the winning game of the World Series, beat Cancer (which began during his career in the majors), and he thrown a 130-pitch no-hitter, which was only the 17th in Red Sox History.

 Jon’s story is the stuff of legend, and it is only a matter of time before boastful statements about him drift their way around the internets. You may remember the endless list of “Chuck Norris Facts” that gained popularity several years ago. They may have been a little over the top, but, truly, if there were a list of “Jon Lester Facts” they would read something like this…

Jon Lester pitches left handed because Major League Baseball has deemed the right one too powerful.

Jon Lester only loads the bases to practice getting himself out of jams- and to drive the ladies wild.

Jon Lester once stopped a steal simply by asking the runner not to. He listed because he had so much respect for Jon Lester.


He may be no “Texas Ranger” but this Red Sox Hottie has pitched his way into my heart. Man, that was cheesy. I apologize.



Filed under Uncategorized

Not So Great Moments In Female Sports Fan History

You can love your team in many ways. You can wear their logo, deck out your car in bumper stickers, make your home into a shrine to them, or even buy seasons tickets to their games. However, it is generally illegal to run out onto the field to give them kisses of appreciation.

Let’s go back, wayyy back before the intarwebs, before the CD player, and before some of you were even born. The year is 1971 and a 17 year old baseball fan named Morganna Roberts is seated in the front row at a Cincinnati Red’s game. On an alleged dare from a friend, Morganna left normal fanhood, and entered into infamy. She vaulted onto the field (her and her enormous fake breasts) and planted a kiss on Pete Rose. Thus, Morganna The Kissing Bandit was born.

Over her career, Morganna kissed many famous names including Nolan Ryan and Don Mattingly. Each time she was arrested for disorderly conduct but each kiss made her a legend. She even made appearances on late night TV.

These days, Morganna, that crazy recluse, grants no interviews and is basically in hiding. Can you imagine if someone tried to do this today? They would take one step on the field and be shot by a sniper… or taken into custody to be questioned by Homeland Security. And I’m sure the players these days who are now getting multi-million dollar contracts wouldn’t be amused either if some crazy yet busty lady kept trying to kiss them while they were at bat.

Man, they’re no fun.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized


Prince Fielder steals second. September 29, 2007. The Associated Press.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Not So Great Moments in Female Sports Fan History.

It is fantastic to see fiercely loyal, sports savvy, women in the stands at all types of sporting events. Usually the sight of a gaggle of girls cheering on the home team would warm my heart, but in some cases, it turns my stomach. In the case of the latter, I present to you: Not So Great Moments in Female Sports Fan History.

The Chase Chicks.

Chase Chicks

They’re tan, they look good in yellow, they love baseball, and sometimes they molt. The Chase Chicks gathered at Philadelphia Phillies games in the summer of ’06 to cheer on their favorite second baseman, Chase Utley.  This group of girls donned all yellow and sometimes feathers (get it, “Chicks”?) and managed to create a weird juxtaposition to the normal crop of spirited, slightly drunken Philly fans. As things like this do, the Chase Chicks faded away. Perhaps the forlorn high school gals hung it up after Chase’s fairytale wedding in early 2007. As for where they are now, I would venture to guess sleeping their way through their freshman and sophomore years at Rutgers or Drexel? Just a guess.

In the spirit of Glamour magazine’s famous DO’s and DON’Ts I would say to these young ladies:

DO support your team

DO love your players

DO try and wear your team colors even if you insist on dressing like you just came from field hockey practice.

and most importantly

DON’Twear feathers to an MLB game- unless you’re the San Diego Chicken. Stay Classy!


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized