Josh Hamilton: If ESPN had Lifetime Movies.

Lifetime, Television for Women, hasn’t had a movie involving a baseball playing maverick who falls hard and fights back after drug addiction, at least that is what my hours of “research” have told me (and by research I mean, I don’t watch Sunday afternoon movie marathons, really, I don’t, I swear, Ok ok… but I do watch The Golden Girls). However, if ESPN made movies for Lifetime, the story of Ranger’s cutie, Josh Hamilton, would make a fantastic first screenplay.

Josh went straight from high school to being drafted in 1999 by the Devil Rays where he played around their minor league system. Josh was considered a very promising young player, alas, a car accident would mark the beginning of a tailspin in 2001. Hamilton’s was still a name in the minors for the Devil Rays, but before the 2004 season, when he was set to start to play in the majors, he was suspended after violating the MLB’s drug policy. In fact, Josh failed several tests and got numerous violations, and even after vowing to get clean, get rehabbed, and play again, the league wouldn’t have him back. Cue the dramatic Lifetime movie music. Will our hero find a way to get back on top?

Hamilton was reinstated in 2006 and after some shifting around during the draft, landed in the Cincinaati Reds roster. He proved himself at their spring training coming into the regular season with a camp hitting average of .403. On his first game back in the majors in several years Josh received a 22 second long standing ovation. This would be the moment in the movie where you start to tear up. You might even have to put down your Ben and Jerry’s and spoon to grab a Kleenex.

Josh Hamilton now plays for the Rangers, and, along with his wife, regularly speaks out on the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, which, by the way, is exactly what the scrolling text would say at the end of the movie, while we watch a freeze frame of him hitting a homer out of the park as a one-off version of “I Believe I Can Fly” plays in the background. That’s when you get up to pee, check yourself in the mirror, and vow to run five miles tomorrow because you’ve wasted your entire day watching Lifetime movies and eating ice cream.

 

Gratuitous

 

 

 

 

Battle of the Bad MLB Haircuts: Cut that Shit.

Tonight, just as my boyfriend I were sitting down to dinner, he flipped on the Phillies game which was just beginning. I enjoy watching baseball on TV. It’s a nice experience at the ballpark, but on TV, for the most part, you get a lot of interesting info via the commentators that you can’t get sitting in the stands. This evening the Phillies were playing the Reds at home.

After a quick three outs by the Phillies pitcher, Reds pitcher, Bronson Arroyo took the mound. I was totally unprepared for what I saw.

Apparently, Bronson never got the memo that attempting to look like Scott Stapp (former Creed front man, former and current douche bag) is NOT cool. Having hair that long in baseball is simply unnecessary. Two pitches in his dirty blond mane was just plain dirty looking. It was sticking out from under his hat in a way that vaguely reminded me of a NASCAR fan. (Disclaimer: I hate NASCAR, deal with it.) Why in God’s name would you keep your hair so long if you are a baseball player… a pitcher, no less? It’s not practical and it doesn’t look good. Three words Bronson: Cut that shit.

I did find out, after doing a google search on this guy, that apparently Bronson likes to believe he has a music career. Stick to your day job B, I’m quite sure it pays you well enough to afford a decent haircut.

All of my disgust for Arroyo’s hair, reminded me that there is one person on the Phillies who has a hideous ‘do as well. Chase Utley.

Please, please no hate mail. The guy has 21 home runs and counting and is leading the league in All Star votes- not to mention his undeniably chiseled jaw line. Let’s just say, I’m a fan. HOWEVER, his hair is extremely problematic. Right now, it’s so bad, I’d prefer him to leave his batting helmet on. Actually, come to think of it, that would be pretty hot either way…

I digress. With this look, Chase is either trying to be The Fonz, or a baritone in an Olde Tyme barber shop quartet. Chase has a great wife and I just don’t understand how she can let him leave the house like that. I also can’t decide whether or not he uses product to achieve that kind of sheet. These are things I guess the world just isn’t supposed to understand.

 

So, tonight in Philadelphia, it is the battle of the bad haircuts. Currently, my Phillies are hanging in there by one run. Frankly, I don’t think that a team who has a starting pitcher who once wore corn rows stands a chance… but hopefully, the Phils will at least win by a hair.